My ocean in a drop.

…and if it is found, or noticed, or stumbled upon, why would anyone choose to follow- nay, even read what I have to say? I have pondered long and hard on this and I have come up with a profound, educated and enlightened answer to this unnerving question- who cares? Seriously, who cares? Perhaps that should be a statement, not a question:

Who cares.

Not that I don’t (or won’t) appreciate anyone and/or everyone who may read my odd, unsolicited ramblings. I do…or I will. I know one or two people, maybe, just maybe three, who will read me and possibly understand what I am trying to convey. Maybe.

Maybe not.

I am not doing this for recognition. Or fame. Or money (ha). Or popularity. I was never really one for seeking the approval of the masses. I am doing it, selfishly, for me. Hopefully somebody else will enjoy it, but really- who cares.

The crazy thing is…well, it’s all crazy, but I’ve always said I am better on paper. Electronic or papyrus. Snail mail or email. I’ve always been a crappy oral communicator. Seriously shitty. I’ve heard it time and time again. I’ve been told by family, friends, teachers, girlfriends and one ex-wife. Everybody. I am well aware of it and I’ve been working on it…forever. On and off. Off and on.

Communicating is…not my strong suit.

For some inexplicable reason, I can express my thoughts, my needs and my (ugh- sorry guys)- my ‘feelings’ on paper way better than in a verbal format. I know that most guys are crappy communicators, but I really suck at it. It’s a gift I was born with and I have perfected it. It’s not that I don’t want to communicate, it’s just that…well, I don’t want to. And the right words are usually not available when I search for them. Maybe if I had more time to organize my thoughts and come up with a response to specific situations. Give me a pen or a keyboard and I can spew out pages of pretty much anything. I can jot down notes and read them to a crowd of thousands, but just talking…face to face or on the phone..not so much. Maybe if I could have some time to get myself together and study the circumstances. Perhaps jot down a few notes. Discuss with friends and then get back to the conversation at hand.

Maybe I will become skilled at answering questions such as:

How are you feeling?

Where do you see this relationship going?

And the biggie- What’s really bothering you?

Maybe it will make it worse. We shall see.

In the mean time, while trying to figure out where to begin, I guess I have already have…