Sort Of Blogging

How many of these things start out with “I never thought I’d be writing a blog” or “I’m not really sure what I’m doing, but here goes nothing.” Well, not this one. I know exactly what I am doing…sort of. I am attempting to save my life.

Let’s start with the basics, although there are no basics. I am a {gulp} 50 year old man… That’s the first time I’ve ever said that. I am fifty. Pretty new at it.

Wait a second. How is that possible? How did I get to be 50? 17 seems like just yesterday. I distinctly remember being in high school. Rowing on the crew team for four years. Playing the drums since elementary school and in a heavy metal band from 7th grade to post-college. Christ. My oldest son is in 11th grade now. Where did those thirty plus years go? Anyway, I am newly 50. I am divorced. Eight years now. I’ve been ass-rammed by ‘the system’ for most of those eight years. I have three kids who live with me part time…sort of. Not nearly as much as they used to. I work in the wonderful world of retail. I currently live in my mother’s house. I have been in family and support court more times than I can count and I’ll be back again soon. That topic alone could be pages of blog material in and of itself. I went from living in a brand new house with a huge master bedroom, in a nice neighborhood, to residing in a basement and sleeping on a couch.

I am not a complicated person. I thrive on simplicity, but oddly, most of my relationships have been disastrously complicated. Go figure. Several years after a failed marriage and then a couple of fun and interesting relationships, I wound up with an amazing woman…sort of. Then, in a case of my own mistaken reality, I had once again found myself alone- which is not a terrible thing, it’s just not what one would have expected by age 50. Well, it’s not what I expected. Actually- correction- honestly, I did initially expect to be alone. My feelings on the institution of marriage have fluctuated greatly over the years.

But, now I’m fifty. I’m overweight. I’m tired. I’m sore. I’m a little angry and I’m a little bit broken. Here, I will share my oddness, my music and drums, my random encounters with birds and heart-shaped rocks, my obsession with abandoned ruins and cemeteries and water and trees, my love/hate relationship with exercise and bicycles, and my many other unusual and slightly bizarre tendencies, experiences and thoughts.

This is the journal of my journey. My journey to regain my self, my health, my heart and my life..sort of.