Really???Who is ever going to find my tiny little blog in this ginormous ocean of blogfish?
…and if it is found, or noticed, or stumbled upon, why would anyone choose to follow- nay, even read what I have to say? I have pondered long and hard on this and I have come up with a profound, educated and enlightened answer to this unnerving question- who cares? Seriously, who cares? Perhaps that should be a statement, not a question:
Not that I don’t (or won’t) appreciate anyone and/or everyone who may read my odd, unsolicited ramblings. I do…or I will. I know one or two people, maybe, just maybe three, who will read me and possibly understand what I am trying to convey. Maybe.
I am not doing this for recognition. Or fame. Or money (ha). Or popularity. I was never really one for seeking the approval of the masses. I am doing it, selfishly, for me. Hopefully somebody else will enjoy it, but really- who cares.
The crazy thing is…well, it’s all crazy, but I’ve always said I am better on paper. Electronic or papyrus. Snail mail or email. I’ve always been a crappy oral communicator. Seriously shitty. I’ve heard it time and time again. I’ve been told by family, friends, teachers, girlfriends and one ex-wife. Everybody. I am well aware of it and I’ve been working on it…forever. On and off. Off and on.
Communicating is…not my strong suit.
For some inexplicable reason, I can express my thoughts, my needs and my (ugh- sorry guys)- my ‘feelings’ on paper way better than in a verbal format. I know that most guys are crappy communicators, but I really suck at it. It’s a gift I was born with and I have perfected it. It’s not that I don’t want to communicate, it’s just that…well, I don’t want to. And the right words are usually not available when I search for them. Maybe if I had more time to organize my thoughts and come up with a response to specific situations. Give me a pen or a keyboard and I can spew out pages of pretty much anything. I can jot down notes and read them to a crowd of thousands, but just talking…face to face or on the phone..not so much. Maybe if I could have some time to get myself together and study the circumstances. Perhaps jot down a few notes. Discuss with friends and then get back to the conversation at hand.
Maybe I will become skilled at answering questions such as:
How are you feeling?
Where do you see this relationship going?
And the biggie- What’s really bothering you?
Maybe it will make it worse. We shall see.
In the mean time, while trying to figure out where to begin, I guess I have already have…